


Love is messy, love is beautiful

by freakishcats



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Forbidden Love, Hermione Granger & Ginny Weasley Friendship, Post-War, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-12 18:02:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28514655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freakishcats/pseuds/freakishcats
Summary: Ginny is torn between the people she loves. And she can’t help but feel like love is one big joke and she is being used at it’s expense.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Ginny Weasley, Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley
Comments: 8
Kudos: 12





	Love is messy, love is beautiful

May 5th, 1998

In war people die. But it's the living who really suffer. The dead die in the flames and the living endure their spiteful burn. Ginny Weasley doesn't envy the dead, but she does in the way they do not have to pick up the pieces after the fall out of war.

Fred is gone forever. A sad fate, but he doesn't have to see George deathly silent refusing to speak to anyone or hear their mother's sobs. Fred instead enjoys a peaceful slumber.

The worst part is the guilt that eats her alive. From knowing she has betrayed everyone she loves in the worst possible way. And knowing that even with Harry back it is still their enemy's arms she longs for. But, she had promised herself never again and she intended on keeping it.

Ginny was only sixteen and already she was bitter. Because she knew the way things would go. And she so badly wanted something else. But, if she wants another way it would ruin her family. They had already lost Fred to death and she wouldn't let them lose her to a fate worse than that: betrayal.

Harry was at dinner that night at the Burrow. He had stayed at Hogwarts the last few nights and they hadn't really spoken since the battle or their kiss during the battle.

He gave her a sad smile. And it broke her fucken heart. He looked war torn and broken. It would be a long road of recovery for him. And she supposed everyone would expect her at his side as he healed. It would all be okay with their love enduring and supporting each other in the rough aftermath. They would heal not in spite, but because of each other. And there was a part of her that wished that's what she wanted.

They sat out on the ground later that night. Her and Harry. It was nice in a way and she could almost pretend it was a different time. More accurately pretend she was a different her who hadn't been left behind by him and ended up finding comfort and something elses she refused to put into words somewhere else.

"Love will get us through this Gin. We will get through this…together." He says after a long while.

And Ginny just takes his hand and squeezes it. She doesn't have the heart to tell him that everythings changed now. That she will never be the same again. That now she knows more of love and of the world and knows that although she loves Harry it's not enough for her. She will always long for something else or rather someone else.

Ginny Weasley used to be a romantic. She had a crush on a boy since she ten and although she dated other people she never lost it completely. And when she was fifteen it finally happened and she thought that would be it.

But now Ginny didn't believe in love. She knew what it was to love another soul completely and have it returned. But love couldn't conquer all like her parents said. Because no matter what she wanted she was at conflicts with her family and the person she loved.

Love was magical. But it also can be cruel and mock you unlike anything else. Love was a mean joke and she was just used at its expense.

…

July 14th, 1998

"I missed you." said Draco Malfoy calmly. She knew what he was trying to do and it wasn't working.

"We can't keep doing this. Meeting like this is only making us grow more attached." Ginny reminds him.

Draco just shakes his head. She knows what he wants, but also knows that she can't give it to him. He wants all of her. He is ready to give everything up just for her. But, she can't do that. She could never do that because it would mean hurting her family even more than they already were after Fred's death. It would mean giving up her friendship with Hermione. And it would destroy Harry who was himself broken in the aftermath of war. She wasn't ready for that. She couldn't do that.

She wanted Draco with all her heart. She loved him with all her heart, but she knew she shouldn't. He was a death eater and had been an ass in school. But, she couldn't stop herself. He was a drug and she was addicted. That was why even though she kept saying she wouldn't she kept meeting him in secret even though every time she said she wouldn't anymore.

Love was a fucken potent drug when it wanted to be.

…

August 11, 1998

"How does it feel to finally be of age?" Hermione asked the evening of her birthday as they were getting ready for dinner in her room.

"Fine I guess. It'll be nice to finally be able to order a firewhiskey." Ginny said. And Hermione gave her a slightly disapproving look, but said no more. Afterall, she knew she was no saint when it came to the beverage herself.

"How are things with you and Harry?" Hermione asked. "He says you've been distant lately."

"Things are good 'Mione. Just a little strained because we're both healing from everything that's all." she said.

"You know if it was something else you could tell me Ginny. Our friendship is separate from mine with Harry and Ron." Hermione said. She could tell she knew more. Or that she suspected at least. Hermione was smart and observant; it wasn't that surprising that she knew something was up.

"He was gone for a year. A person can change a lot in that amount of time." Ginny says. "I changed a lot."

Hermione gives her a calculating look. And then finally she sighs.

"There's someone else, isn't there?." And Ginny knows the shocked look on her face gives it all away. And Hermione's face turns to a look of sympathy. And it's almost worse than if she had gotten angry with her.

"It happened when we were gone." Hermione says. It's a statement not a question. She knows and Ginny doesn't have it in her to refute it.

Ginny just nods and slowly tears start to come down her face. And Hermione just pulls her into a tight hug. And for the first time in months she lets it all out as her friend just continued to hold her.

And for once Ginny thinks maybe there are some types of love that aren't as brutal. Romantic love is difficult and complex. But friendship has never let her down. . The love of a friend is supporting and strong. It's not as intense as a romantic love, but it has a solid foundation. The love of her friend is good, it's there for her, and right now it's enough.

"It'll be okay Gin." Hermione says, attempting to comfort her. "Afterall, it's not like you went off and fell in love with Draco Malfoy when we were gone."

Oh but she did. If only Hermione knew. Maybe love was just cursed. At least it was for her. Nobody that loved her would be able to overlook her sin.

…

November 2nd, 1998

Draco came back to Hogwarts. And it seems Ginny just can't escape it. Harry is off doing Auror training at the Ministry and they agreed to do long ditance. It's easy to fake a relationship and avoid huting someone when all you have to do is fill letters with sickly sweet admissions of love.

That's what she likes about Draco. They don't have to tell each other all that. They just know what they feel and they can say it to each other. But they don't need constant reassurance. They trust each other enough to know.

And so with Harry away it's easy to forget. It's just like last year with the secret meetings in the room of requirement, but easier because there's no toture an war. She can forget she's hurting and breaking the chosen one's trust. She can just be. And what's worrying is that if she thought she was in love with Draco before it's not even close to what she feels for him now. She's already dug the whole and she's only getting herself in deeper.

They just have to make sure and be careful to avoid Hermione's watchful eyes. She sees the diapproving look in her eyes when she comes back to their dorms late. She never tells her off, but the look in her eyes tell her she knows the other guy is at Hogwarts with them and she know she's on thin ice. It's only a matter of time before the smartest which of her age figures it out.

But for now she's willing to take the risk and just enjoy the time she has. For once Ginny Wealsley is selfish and just let's herslef bask in her love guilt free. And she thinks love really can be beautiful when it's isolated from the world. But she know it's only a matter of time before the world comes crashion down on her love.

…

December 24, 1998

Ginny refuses to go home for Christmas. Her excuse is that it will be too hard to be at the Burrow and celebrate with the loss of Fred. And it makes everyone think she's a coward for not facing the hardships when they all do. Harry is upset with her stating he hasn't seen her in months. But does Ginny care? No, she hardly gives a damb.

What does any of it matter when Draco Malfoy kisses all her worries away. As long as she's in his embrace it's all that matter is the world. It's all that has mattered for a year now when they finally gave into their sparks and kissed under some mistletoe last Christmas.

"You know I love you." she says to him as they walk discreetly through the snow covered grounds of Hogwarts.

"I know." he says. As if it was never a question. As if he was always sure of her love. He had enough self-assurance to believe it.

"I just don't say it a lot." she says. "But I hope you know I really do."

He pulls her into a tight hug. "I never doubted Weasley."

And Ginny thinks that nothing in the world is better than this. Love is scary. She's been in love before, but never like this. The love she feels for this man feels like it defies the very fabric of reality. That everything began with and will end with this feeling. Ginny Wealsy loves Draco Malfoy even though it goes against everything else she cares for in the world. It's a love that breaks bound and a feeling all consuming. And she doesn't say her feelings for him often because facing it is laced with fear.

But Ginny thinks as she's here with him it's worth it. All the fear is worth being brave just so she can have a moment in his arms. This is a love that requires more bravery than leading an underground rebellion at Hogwart in the midst of a war. But that was worth it and so is her love for him.

….

Febuary 14th, 1999

"Those are beautiful Ginny." Hermione says about the flowers Harry had sent her for Valentines Day as they sit in the Great Hall for Breakfast.

Ginny nods. They are beautiful and she appreciates them. She just appreciates a certain pair of grey eyes meeting hers across the Great Hall more.

"Harry really cares for you." Hermione warns. "I don't want to see him get hurt."

This breaks Ginny's eyes from Draco and she looks at Hermione. She's looking at her with concerned eyes, but she knows the concern isn't for her. It's a concern that she'll hurt Harry Potter.

"I don't know who it is Ginny." she says. "But I know he's here."

"It ends as soon as I'm done at Hogwarts. I promise Hermione." she says knowing better than to even attempt lying to Hermione. She's so smart she would see right through it.

"It better. It's not fair to either of them, you need to choose." she says.

Ginny again nods. But it's painful. It's a reminder that at the end of her uninterrupted time with Draco. Real life starts soon and she will have to give him up. She will have to live with that painful decision, but she knows what she has to do. Her and Draco's love story is beautiful beyond anything she knows. But she also knows their love is fleeting and holding on much longer…if their love lasts too long it's bound to just cause them more pain. It's a love story with a timestamp.

…

April 4th, 1999

"How are you doing Gin?" her father asks as they both are standing to the side of all the Easter festivities at the Burrow.

"I miss him dad." Ginny says. And her father just nods and says that he misses Fred too. But Ginny thinks her father knows there's more going on with her, but he doesn't push it.

"You're different. It's like you lost your spark a little after the war." he says treading lightly not sure how far he will be able to get.

"I just lost hope." she says. And it's true enough. She's lost hope that she could ever live a life where she could get everything she wanted out of life. Where she could love Draco and not tear apart her family and Harry in the process.

"Harry asked me if he could purpose to you after you graduate." her father says. "I'm not supposed to tell you, but I just want to give you time to decide if that's what will make you happy."

Ginny is shocked. She had been certain if anything her Harry would take his time with that and at least wait a few more years. She had just figured he would want time to finish Auror training and to heal from the war. And she thought she had time to reconcile herself to the idea. Time to let Draco go.

She isn't ready for that. She needs time. But she knows truthfully it doesn't really matter. She will never be happy with Harry. She will resign herself to it and will be content enough. But Draco is the love of her life. Nothing will live up to that love.

…

June 20th, 1999

Ginny graduates from Hogwarts today. And all she can do is cry knowing that this is when she has promised herself she will leave Draco behind. She tells herself she will move on. No more secret meetings or letters. She will be with Harry, a man her family wholeheartedly approve of. She will do what she has too.

But then something unexpected happens. Hermione finds Ginny alone crying in the dorms. She helps her get dressed and do her hair treating her like a child as she is completely incapable herself and is too busy wallowing in her sadness.

"You don't have to be with Harry if you're not happy." she says as they are about to go down stairs for the ceremony . "You deserve to be happy too."

"If only you knew. You would hate me." She says. "And so would my family."

She gives her a look as if contemplating what to do next. "You're in love with Draco Malfoy." she says finally shocking Ginny. "I know Gin. I have since last Summer."

"What?" she asks, too shocked to even think or cophend words. She's known for that long and doesn't hate her? It doesn't make sense.

"I saw you two in Diagon Alley together." she says matter of factly. She cotines "I can't say I understand it Gin. But I do know love is complicated."

Ginny just shakes her head. All she can think is if Hermione doesn'thate her could her family learn to be okay with her love for Draco if she ever told them.

"Your heart deserves to be followed Ginny." Hermione says.

All Ginny can think is does it. Her heart got her into this mess in the first place. It was blind love that dug this fucken whole. The question is does she follow love or logic. Because this love thing is messy and confusing.

….

July 6th, 1999

Draco was broken and it was caused by her. She had left him at graduation and told him they couldn't continue and he had broke. And seeing him that way broke Ginny.

She hears her mum call her down for dinner and goes. Harry and all her brothers (minus Charlie and Fred) are there and she just knows. This is the night Harry will propose. It wouldn't make sense otherwise with everyone being gathered there and her mom cooking a meal that even went above and beyond for her. And all Ginny can think is this will be the night sealing her fate. Where she truly lets Draco and their past two years together go.

But she sees Hermione across the table laughing and looking at Ron with adoring eyes. And she just remembers her words. Your heart deserves to be followed.

After dinner they all retire to the living room. And before she knows it Harry is on one knee before her asking her to be his wife.

And suddenly her mouth speaks words before she can even think ending with her blurting out, "I'm in love with Draco Malfoy."

And suddenly the room freezes. Everybody looks confused and shocked, but slowly she sees hurt begin to appear. Harry looks at her with betrayal like none other. And before she could look around at the rest of them she made a bolt and ran out of the room.

Love could make her brave. And love could make her a coward. But as much as she loved her family she couldn't give up her love for them anymore. Her heart might break by them not accepting her, but her heart was a cold frozen tundra without Draco. Her love for him was nonsensical and illogical . And it may or may not last, but Ginny knew what she felt for him. And she knew she needed to allow herself to feel it not in the cold shadows of war or in its aftermath, but in the light of day.

She was only hurting people and herself more by denying the truth. Her heart yearned for a certain blonde beyond any other. And her love deserved to see the light of day. Her love may be condemned by others and the world but Ginny Weasley refused to condemn her own love anymore.

….

August 11, 1999

Ginny Weasley was eighteen and realised the world was complicated, but more than anything was love. She also knew she was young and still figuring it out. When she was young she thought she would love Harry and they would get married one day and that would be it.

But then despite everything she was alone in a horror filled school and felt broken. And she met a damaged boy who was forced into a role of a death eater. A boy who was questioning it all and everything at once. And somehow it formed a bond and sparked a flame that became an all powerful love. She didn't choose, it had just happened. And it was powerful and beyond what she even knew she could feel.

And now they had both chosen their love for each other. They lived in a small, crappy apartment they found in Diagon Ally and was all they could afford. They were both at odds with their families…this threw him out for being with a blood traitor and hers didn't as much throw her out but constantly berated her for her decision to the point where she couldn't stand it anymore.

And Ginny wouldn't lie. This was her fear…her family hating her choice and boy they fucken did. And it broke her heart. But she also knew that her heart would be even more broken without Draco in it. And she knew she couldn't let her family hold her back from a chance at happiness.

And Ginny wasn't naive. She knew her relationship with Draco may not last forever. It had lasted war and secrecy and seemed strong, but there may be something in the future it may not withstand. But that's ok because she understood love is pain. But the pain that comes from beauty. The pain comes from looking beyond yourself and feeling this undeniable connection to another soul.

She may end up broken in the future feeling the sting of love, but it would still be worth it. It would all be worth it for what she felt in the present. Because right now her love for Draco was good and no matter what happened getting to experience this was worth it.

Her love could be messy and hurtful, but no beauty of love can come without the pain. And the good of it was all worth the risk of the burn. So Ginny choses love for all that it was.


End file.
